Experiencing a fire or any major disaster is highly stressful. Our world is turned upside down, nothing seems normal and there may be serious danger to ourselves and our loved ones. After the acute stage of the disaster has passed, we are still left to deal with the aftermath. It is a challenge to feel normal again. There are many reactions we may feel but there are some things we can do to cope with them.
• Dealing with feelings: It is very common after such an intense experience that you also have intense feelings. After the initial fight or flight response and the shock of the experience, you may have many different kinds of feelings. Anger, anxiety, depression, and irritability are common. Sometimes it will be disbelief. You will need time to grieve. It is also common for these feelings to come and go. Sometimes, something in the environment, a sight, sound, a smell, may trigger a memory of the experience and you may feel upset all over again.
• Loss of control: Life in general may feel out of control and you may personally feel out of control. There is so much going through your mind, so many stimuli to deal with and so many new demands on you on top of daily living and working that it is hard to feel that there is anything normal around you. Recognize that this is a normal response to this type of intense situation. It may be helpful to keep a notepad with you to jot down things that you want to remember or make lists of things to do so you don’t feel you have to keep all of this in your immediate consciousness as you work through many issues.
• Changes to memories, thinking, feelings and behaviors are likely to occur: Flashbacks are common and you may have a strong physical response to stimuli in the environment. It may be hard to concentrate and remember everything you need to do. This can affect your sense of control and your ability to make decisions at a time when you will be asked to make many decisions about things you have not had to deal with before.
• Stress often leads to physical symptoms: Heart racing, headaches, nervous stomach/nausea are common. Pre-existing conditions might be exacerbated.
• You may feel alone or isolated: It may be hard to reengage with everyday activities, social activities, work and family interactions. Because of the stress and general feelings of irritability, there may be difficult interactions with family, friends and co-workers. Try to realize that the source of this is a reaction to the situation, try to step back and realize what is happening and then reengage with others.
There are a number of things we can do to help us deal with these challenges.
• Recognize that what you are feeling is a “normal” reaction to an intense experience.
• Give yourself time to grieve. There are many adjustments that need to be made. It takes time to work through your feelings and the tasks of physically dealing with the situation.
You may need to “go slow” taking things one step at a time.
• Don’t listen to the news all of the time. Keep informed but hearing things over and over can be overwhelming and can act as a trigger for negative feelings.
• Talk. Researchers have found that social support from friends, family, and others who have experienced this situation is helpful. Sometimes working with a professional can help you work through your feelings and remind you that you are not alone.
• Think about what is still positive in your life. Try to appreciate things you enjoy, maybe a little at a time. In a while you may start to envision how you will be living in the future or start to imagine future goals.
You may want to reflect on how you have survived so far and think about your strengths and how to grow using those strengths.
• Keep healthy. Sleep is restorative. Eat as healthy a meal as you can. Exercise if you can. Try to do what helps you relax.
It helps to remember that you are not alone. Be patient. You will recover but it will take time.
Dr. Sue Kapitanoff is Chair of Psychology at American Jewish University.
